TEACHING AN ADULT HOW TO MAKE REAL FRIENDS (WITHOUT JOINING A SPORTS LEAGUE)
To avoid writing a listicle featuring “join a sports league” as one of the ways to meet new people, I decided to create this essay from the ground up. It’s because we’ve all been to the same places before. They’re not difficult to find online.
I turned to Katie Kurtz, a Connection Expert, for solid advice (my title for her). An organization called Her Turn Co. is attempting to change the way women interact. Katie is its founder and CEO. At Her Turn’s second meeting in 2016, I met Katie in person for the first time after discovering her on Instagram. As a result, Katie has been a continual source of encouragement and inspiration for me.
That’s Her Turn Co.’s job, exactly.
Her Turn is a resource for women who want to improve relationships, both online and off. These include the It’s Turn Podcast as well as one-on-one or group sessions, getaways for women.
The question of how long and why a person works is a good one to ask.
Soul Connect was founded in 2016 and renamed Her Turn in 2019 as a method to better reflect the work I’ve been doing since then.
I’m all about making connections. I’ve always understood that my life’s mission is to assist others. As soon as I got the words to describe it, I knew it was and would always be my destiny. My employment as a certified social worker in the nonprofit sector was possible because of that inner knowledge. However, I was left with the unsatisfied sensation that something was still lacking.
First Gathering, certification, and company launch all happened in 2016 for me. Having the opportunity to be a space keeper and connection facilitator for other women is an honor that I take very seriously.
What is the difference between friendship and a relationship with someone??
On the other hand, friendship is defined by activity, commitment, direction, and a shared relationship, in my opinion. Although not all companies are formed via connections, all charities need to be maintained through links.
Humans (particularly womxn) need connection in the same way that they require food, water, and air to survive. It is critical to our general health, pleasure, and well-being to build trusting relationships with those around us. Furthermore, maintaining a strong relationship with oneself is essential to living a life of clarity, purpose, and pleasure.
Why is it so vital for women, particularly those who identify as female, to maintain a strong sense of community?
In terms of energy, female connections are endlessly replenishable. We feel a feeling of belonging and community when we form close relationships with other women. By being authentic and vulnerable, we allow the truths of our humanity and the shared experiences of others to come to the surface, allowing us to see we are not alone.
When connecting to other women, we all have our own unique experiences and tales to tell. Distrust, treachery, comparison, and competitiveness often feature in our stories from a long time ago.
Women need to have relationships with other women. Get honest about the tales you tell yourself about your friendships and relationships with other women, and then find a way to rewrite them. As a society, I believe we can rethink the way we communicate. It is not necessary for places where gossip, commiseration, competitiveness, or surface-level banter are common.
To do so, we must be willing to show up as ourselves and exhibit vulnerability and openness to connect in ways we may not have previously related. We do it every day here at Her Turn.
We can only really connect if we have the confidence to be who we truly are. We unknowingly permit others to do the same when we show up for ourselves. Then there is no place for competitiveness or comparison but room for sincere connection and compassion. Women who attend my events remark they didn’t know this connection was possible when they left.
As an adult, this is the second time I’ve relocated to a new location without a large social network. Unsolicited advice to “join groups” to meet people is something I hear a lot, usually about Meetup. Com-style gatherings.
Adults have a hard time making friends. Suppose we could stop pretending and say it out loud to each other. It’s hard. To us, it’s natural to feel like we’re part of something more than ourselves when we’re surrounded by others who share our passions.
We get life’s ups and downs, and it’s more difficult to identify the things that keep us grounded. And where you reside has a big impact on this as well. While there may be more things to do in larger cities, it might be daunting. Somewhere in the Midwest, everyone is still best friends with their kindergarten reading partner.
I’ve had many networking events, meetups, fitness courses, and more. Even though I had the opportunity to meet new individuals, I did not experience a strong sense of community. These activities tend to be more about the things (i.e., job, fitness) and less about the people attending them. Our society is in desperate need of additional places where individuals may interact and be themselves.
As an educator, I think and teach that true connection is based on five things: non-judgment (of self and others), permission to be yourself, empathic understanding, and mutual realness. We can’t have a serious conversation about the weather because it’s too simple and safe. I’m not interested in exchanging business cards or making a transaction. Your heart, passions, and who you are are more important to me than what you do.
Someone anxious about attending one of your events or where they don’t know anybody would want to hear your advice.
First and foremost, allow yourself to be nervous. Trying to meet new people and forming new friendships demands a degree of vulnerability.
You are asking oneself “why” is a good beginning step. It will undoubtedly make you feel more anchored in your presence if you walk in the clear on your why.
As the last step, be yourself. It is important to be yourself and to allow others to be themselves as well.
As a last thought, telling someone you like or want to get to know more that you say, “Hey, let’s get out and be friends!” is perfectly acceptable. Of course, at first, it may seem strange, but try to accept it. As odd as you and I think it is, the other person probably thinks or wants to say something similar. These aren’t your friends if that is the case.
As children, we were taught that “never meet strangers from the internet” is a horrible social media and individuals reveal themselves. However, this isn’t the case anymore. We first met there! Your story? How you’ve met new pals via social media?
It’s my connection in my life via social media. My best friends, my business partners, and my boyfriend are all people I met online. As a child of the AOL and chatroom era, I was constantly warned by my parents and teachers never to meet strangers online. Connecting online with strangers has become an enjoyable pastime of mine!
I’m always having with my phone both as a matter of choice and need. I wanted to keep this continuing, and I’d have to treat it like a relationship. If I want to maintain a healthy relationship with my phone and social media, I must put forth the effort to do so. Begin by clarifying the limits and meanings you are looking for in social media and online contacts.
All you have to do is decide what to do next. Find folks with who you can connect. In the comments or DMs, let them know if their post made you nod in agreement, “oh yep, me too!” Join a Facebook group if you want to learn more about a subject. That’s a fantastic method to meet new people. Let everyone know who you are by posting anything on the site. If you’ve never done it before, it could be strange, but accept the strangeness and give it a go.
All you have to do, in my opinion, is show up and be you. But how many of us are being honest with ourselves about what we’re feeling right now? It’s a lot of work! I have a hard time with it because I get caught up in the aesthetics and what I feed myself when it comes to myself. But I also know that when I post and share my actual life, genuine sentiments, and true self, I establish the most honest and sincere relationships on social media.